I don't want to be a vegetarian

I seem to be the recipient of a cosmic message.

All last fall I studied Pema Chodron books with my book club, and at odd times now, her voice, which I played constantly on Ipod, comes thru. It's been, shall we say, a stressful year, and I find a good deal of comfort in her wisdom.

"May I be free of suffering, and the root of all suffering."

For Christmas, we got a book called The Omnivore's Dilemma and I read it mostly to look for insight into the heads of the kids who gave it to us. One half of my four kids are vegetarians but in a quiet, nonthreatening way - never making a fuss or criticizing us, just making choices out of what is served at the table, and sometimes cooking their foods as treats for us.

"May I be free of suffering, and the root of all suffering."

So first the book leads you down the path of how corn has invaded all of our food. I knew, from reading labels for my corn-allergic husband, just how much corn syrup etc was in all our food now, and have been trying to eat around it as best I can. But I had no idea of the politics behind it. Now it suddenly makes sense that oilman George Bush would be promoting ethonol.

"May I be free of suffering, and the root of all suffering."

Then the book leads you to see how the politics have changed family farms so that now huge amounts of corn go to produce our chicken and beef. And how much more land and resources are needed to produce beef than is needed for veggies.

"May I be free of suffering, and the root of all suffering."

Things that I'd read in my earlier hippie days (Diet for a Small Planet) came back to me.
Then the book talks about the other costs that are not reflected in the sticker price on the food, which rang true in these times of global warming and drought.

"May I be free of suffering, and the root of all suffering."

And then the book gently mentions the treatment of animals that are raised commercially and "grain finished" in misery.

And a "scandal" hits the news that confirms the treatment of animals - flaring up quickly but forgotten quickly since no one really wants to think about that very much. It's not a popular scandal like Michael Vick mistreating his dogs - this is all of us participating in mistreating cows and chickens, so let's think about something more titilating.

"May I be free of suffering, and the root of all suffering."

And all of a sudden I can't bring a forkful of meat to my mouth.

My kids took me to a local farmer's market in a parking lot, and we bought expensive (or accurately priced?) beef and sausage, and I could eat it OK. And we went out to dinner at a place that used chicken and beef from a neighboring farm, and I could eat it. Then I came home to beef stew with meat from Publix, and I wasn't hungry.

I think I may not be able to eat that again. And intellectually of course I don't want to ever. But this is going to be such a pain to me to shop more carefully and learn new ways of cooking with different menus. Such a pain.

May I be free from all suffering and the root of all suffering, and may I not cause suffering.

Amen.